Brain Damage

Have you ever associated anything to someone?
It could be anything, music, movies, books, television, anything to anyone.
Someone you love, hate, friends, family, partner etc.
Has it ever come to a point where no matter what you'll do it'll remind of this person?
I heard not to long ago how negativity really doesn't make you look past a certain
limit. because of this; 'Good things don't last forever'.
If you really beging to think of this, Process it and Analys it. Its every true.
You as a person hold the key to making this a positive or negative outcome.
Just because something doesn't "last forever" doesn't mean that it will be forgotten.
Now let me get back to this association to things.
I can say i've had my share of "not forever" moments.
To be in a relationship with anyone and I'm not just saying in the oppisite sex.
Friends, Family & the opposite sex is work.
To try to make it a healthy one that can with stand time. Its hard.
While this has happened I've gathered all this different associations.
Music mainly gets me a odd mood depending on the song and the person its going back to.
With that said, I don't regret ever linking one of my favorite bands to this person.
Damn! It hasn't failed me yet to make that association.
It comes at me like a scene of a movie.
While I sit there listening to the song passionately in the mood. My mind begins to draw out his form.
A glimps of light hits his face and I can make out his eyes looking at me while he sat there driving on the freeway. The details pour like endless water....
As all the pieces of the puzzle have come together i find it that the association has become a bad one.
Now all that "not forever" moment has a negative outcome vs. seeing it as a positive one.
We all expierence events in our lives that will "break us or make us".
This moment defenitly made me.

It all began with a dream?!

Its kind of odd to have waken up from a dream and then to have fallen back to the same dream when falling back asleep. Maybe to others it's happened but never me.
I take that back never a good dream. I'be had a lot of bad dreams where its happened, I would say at least three. This would be my first good one. What it all meant I have no idea.
I've been having dreams of a baby girl.
What does it mean?
Does it even have meaning?

I have to say its odd to have been there n felt all that at such a young age, what else does this life have to offer me after that.
Why does it always feel like I've come to some odd understanding.

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Time Heals All or Does It?

I'm not much of a writer.
Yet, that doesn't stop me from expressing something i feel, something i feel i know.
I've been giving a thought and more so now that it became a topic of conversation with the person in my life that i trust the most.
I wonder if the person I am ever really cared enough before to have gotten this far or did life take place and I let myself leap in to the that fast lane and take the ride?
With that I start here. when do we as people start to care about what others have to say about us?
I mean I really lived a life that I just said "fuck you and the bitch you come with" if anyone ever tried to put me down.
a self survival technique. when I start to think now. As I'm getting older things certainly change.
the thought of letting down someone, the thought of their judgement come into play.
Word, words, WORDS!
The words espaced me in a moment of crucial time. A moment in time that it all could have made a difference.
Yet, they escaped me. Now looking back I'm glad they did. Words that in reality wouldn't have made a difference at all.
It became apperantly clear that the cookie crumbles with such elegance. One can't disturb the beauty of chaos!
A chaos that was made with love, a love that was meant to break away!
Words are missing from this page, missing from my mind.
The change of my mind comes with a simplicity that doesn't allow me to become someone I was.
Regardless of someone's judgement I FEEL either happiness, pain, or nothing at all. It's real. I'm real, not only because I'm saying it is. As a human nature we all change we'll evolve into a good, bad, or simply just the in between person.
TIME IS A HEALER OF ALL, Time doesn't wait but we make time for those we care, those we love to FEEL that lovely chaos or just that bliss.
Aw I feel!
I'll hang all those moments up! Your past is a maker of your future.....

Missing that passion of photography

Santa Monica Beach, California 6/14/09
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Looking thru a gallery lost in my Flickr account makes me kind of sad. I was hands on my photography. I start to think of today's times and who doesn't own a camera and take photos.
Regardless of this it didn't make me stop. I love it as a hobby, an interest with great passion since a child. I don't think of myself as a great photographer and I'm content with that. I'm not trying to make my mark in the world for it. It makes me happy.
Looking at this shot makes me wonder why I stopped to begin with.

I didn't renew my Flickr account and with their free version I lost a lot of my photos. Made me sad. I dislike how real life takes into play and we loose touch of those things we love to really do. Now I have to get back in the "game" and start snapping away my camera. No more missing, more taking action. Grabbing that camera and getting on the road to new photos to share with everyone to enjoy. =)
One thing I love about photography is before that button gets clicked. I'll look around and remember the scenery and a song that will go along with my mood. When I'll come back to a photo I'll remember how it all went down right before the photo was captured.
With that said I'll be leaving you guys with a song that reminds me of this photo.



Till the next post! Have a Good Day!

tweet tweet a birdy said...

Magda V (@Cats_meow) has shared a Tweet with you:

"Cats_meow: it was simple. . . nothing crazy, everything is going to end and off to a new start."
Magda V (@Cats_meow)
follow me at twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/Cats_meow
-----------------------------------------
I had a conversation with my oldest sister, she made me feel good to just hear her voice. To know that as lonely as its been getting lately. My older sisters are always there. I love them.
We've come along way. Yet, what really stuck with me about our conversation is how true it is as we get older we become more selective. The older I'm getting the more and more "picky" I'm gettin' about a lot of things in life.
I always try to see what's in front of me. What I fight to keep and so on.
Things were simple a year ago. I'll be honest I had my share of drama then but most of the time it was simple. And that was all I need to be happy.
The Rose Garden is such a beautiful place to go and just relax.
I miss those days. A nice Sunday afternoon. I had a family ask me to take a photo of them. I love that. When I see a family go out together and just enjoy each other's company. I miss that about our family. But we all have gone our way.
Hearing my mother's voice always puts me at ease and takes me back home.
Simple or not. This life will certainly bring me a trip, I can't complain that I live a boring life 'cuz that's for sure I don't. Even when I just want simple.

Moments in life that can hold u back.

There's moments in time, moments shared by many.

My train of thought escapes me. Its becoming something oddly familiar. Yet, nothing that I missed.
The more the days count down to the deadline. I become more aware that this change will either make me better or will make me lonesome.
I've come too far for him to ruin me. For a memory to make me want to run "home".
When in reality 'HOME' isn't there anymore.
I'm very pensive lately, more than usual. I can honestly say that now I'm more "alone" more independent.
Its a hard life this world. Yet, it makes it interesting i guess. I just miss those more simpler days...
Friends, Boyfriends, & People come and go.
Those moments in life are nothing but a past holding me back. More like I'm keeping them.
Its really dumb of me. I'm moving forward. Letting that wall behind me till its no longer visible.

Learning...

Oh its been a crazy week and I've been going thru some personal issues. But I'm
glad to share that I had a great support system I myself was surprised with!
Yet, here I am and Happy to be getting thru it bit by bit.
I'm learning to accept myself for a lot of things I didn't even know I could.
I became very umm.. sadly insecure with myself. Doubted that I was anything. I hope its understandable since I don't feel like sharing details.
A little comes a long way, that's what I'm re-learning. I know as a woman we have emotions that make things a lot harder to deal with but as a woman we're sometimes more understanding. & the wisdom of my mother things became a lot more apparent that moving on alone isn't anything bad and to be scared of.